So last week I shared stories from my life in second grade. It opened the memory box of times with Miss. Hale. The story I am sharing falls in the category of a confession. I don’t think, when I did my 4th and 5th steps with my AA sponsor, that this ever made my list. So you folks get to hear one of the greatest scams a seven year old ever pulled off.
I was home sick with some kind of stomach bug. I missed Monday with Miss Hale and spent the day reading books. There was no parents calling the school. All you did when you returned, was present the teacher with a note from Mom. On Tuesday morning I was well enough to head to school. I am not sure how I ever thought this up, but it occurred to me that there was no date on the note. It just said, “Please excuse Mark for missing class as he was home sick. Sincerely, Pat Pumphrey”. I had a blank check.
About a block from our two year old house they were building another block of homes. The construction was on my route to school. I decided that rather than making Miss Hale angry, I would spend the day with the construction workers. I went and sat on a really nice pile of excavated dirt from an adjacent basement. It was a great perch from which I could watch the whole operation—and I could throw dirt clods galore. I do remember being asked why I wasn’t in school. I have no idea what I said. I just continued doing research on home building. Truth be known—I got a CIRCLE D Minus in wood shop in 9th grade, which indicates how little I retained.
When I noticed them eating lunch I thought it was time for me to walk home. I pulled it off. At that time in Baby Boomer history, kids went home for lunch. My mom did not even notice the dirt on my jeans. After a classic Campbell soup and sandwich lunch, I returned for the afternoon shift and once again to take up my perch on the dirt mound.
I headed home when I saw my schoolmates wrapping up their day of misery sitting behind desks. The note was still crumpled in my pants pocket. The next morning I got up and decided to go face Miss Hale. I missed recess. I very distinctly recall pulling the note out of my pocket and Miss Hale reading it and actually asking me if I felt better. I smiled and knew I had pulled off my version of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”. It was just 30 years before Hollywood stole my idea.
The part I still marvel at, is how does a seven year old come up with that kind of elaborate scheme? I have decided that my ongoing battle with Miss Hale was the motivating factor. I suspect that my two day absence was a respite for her and I don’t think it set me back academically. There was little inspiration from a teacher who was prone to either crying or low grade yelling. I was not the only challenge in that class. Poor lady—I hope she found some kind of peace, it certainly was not going to be with second graders.
It was years later that I confessed this whole story to my mom. Her response was “You and your brother Charley did not fare well with your second grade teachers”. My parents were from the old school—that the teachers were always right. I am so tempted to “out” Charley’s creep of a second grade teacher, Mr. D. S. Suffice to say we both survived second grade … and those two teachers found other career paths.
Ok—Next week I will share with you about corduroy “Levis” and the 8th grade—a tale of peer pressure and the “last laugh”.
Onward and Upward,
Mark
Lyfting Me Up 